Out With The Old, In With The New…Year
“Cause all of us have wings, but some of us don’t know why”
- Never Tear Us Apart by INXS (I recommend Bishop Briggs’ cover)
Heart
Well, you made it. Unlike many, you’re beginning a fresh revolution around the sun with the rest of us. What are you going to do with it? You made it through another 365.25 rotations on Earth’s axis. How may of those 365 days do you remember? How many nights? Some of us may be celebrating the revolution ahead of us because of the freshness and optimism it brings and some of us may be celebrating the previous one we because of what we endured or the closure we now have. I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, but I am for new starts, new goals, and new mindsets. My goals this year won’t be possible if I don’t keep a singular goal in mind, and that is to work consistently and from the heart.
Inconsistent work leads to plentiful ideas, a lack of results, and a tolerance for procrastination and self-doubt. Believe me, I know. Working without putting your heart into it means you’re exhausting your mind and body in exchange for something you think you need but, will still be unsatisfied with once you get. When you put your heart into your work, it may go un/under paid, un/under recognized, but you’re unbothered because you are fulfilled.
So many of us don’t know what it’s like to feel fulfilled because we don’t know ourselves well enough to know what we need and want, let alone how to seek and acquire it ourselves. So, we look outwards for things we’ve wanted since we were young: money, recognition, visibility, pride, power, influence, independence, trust, love, etc., not knowing these things will come naturally once we BECOME who we needed when we were a young person. Who and what did you need when you were a young person?
Work
Some people have a negative view of work, which is the “activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result”. The truth is, your work is how you invest in yourself, your community, your legacy. It’s what you spend your time and energy, you’re most valuable resources, doing. It’s what defines you in so many ways, whether you like it or not. If you’re allergic to the word work, ask yourself; What is your role? Who depends on you to show up? Who would you be without this role? If you don’t have the answers to these questions, it might be because what you’re currently doing isn’t working.
Fight
When you commit yourself to something, you make it your job to make something work. You have a driving purpose bigger than the tangible result that makes everything worth working for. The long and winding road to earning my Bachelor’s wasn’t without breaks, failed and dropped classes, and outside pressure to quit or continue. It was more about not becoming a stereotyped teen mom who let her academic dreams get swallowed by her circumstance or teen romance, than it was about following the prescribed track of college and career. As Lil Baby said, “I got sum'n to prove, Yeah, I'm young, but got sum'n to lose”. For me, that thing I was fighting not to lose was the respect and the dreams I had for myself. Unbeknownst to me, this fight would continue beyond receiving a college degree.
Roles
I used to work for the Chicago Public Library (CPL) part-time for twelve years from the time I was a seventeen-year old junior in high school to graduating college and becoming a teacher. I absolutely loved CPL and I loved my role within the branches I worked. I had specific skills that I was recognized for, I had regular patrons and co-workers I looked forward to seeing, I had a dependable and quiet work environment that had great perks, and I had the freedom to work independently on projects. Most importantly, this work allowed me to fulfill my other roles as a mom, student, parent volunteer, and girlfriend. Although I lived paycheck to paycheck, this paid role gave me the time, energy, and fulfillment I needed to go into my unpaid roles with energy, love, and commitment.
When I left the library work I loved and took on my first full-time job ever as a classroom teacher (facepalm, crying face, wine bottle emojis), I was completely miserable, making everyone around me miserable as well. I had a salary that was able to cover all my household’s expenses, which bred envy and resentment in my relationship, and I suddenly had no time or energy for the unpaid roles that breathed life into my day. I graduated, so after nine long years, I was no longer a college student (which I loved being). I had no energy to get out of the car to pick my son up from school, let alone volunteer like I previously did, sometimes on a weekly basis. The only patience and bandwidth I had by the time I clocked out was reserved to do the dishes that piled up while I was at work, cook, and keep from crying. When I couldn’t keep from crying or sleeping, I knew the heart I was trying to put into my work was misplaced because of the hell it was causing in my self-care, relationships, and work.
I lost and gave up a lot in the couple years I attempted classroom teaching. I took a chance even though I knew I loved the library and had just been promoted to a dream position that would allow me to work with teens. I failed (left the classroom), tried again at a different school in a completely different grade, failed again, and looked around to see who still respected me when I couldn’t respect myself. I realized the only person who lost respect for me was someone incapable of accomplishing what I had. “You will never be criticized by someone who is doing more than you. You will only be criticized by someone doing less.”
Purpose
I was forewarned my teaching career may be doomed before I even started when a resume helper asked the class why we went into teaching to help frame our resumes before graduating. I confidently said I chose teaching for my son, who was eleven at the time and six when I decided to pursue education. My training as a teacher allowed me to be a better advocate in his education and teach him how to advocate for himself as a student. I didn’t want any school or teacher to make me feel incapable of navigating the system with their academic jargon and I wanted to delay the time it would take for his homework to be too difficult for me to help him with. Because going into teaching was in fact about my son and took me away from him, no reason was good enough to keep me in the classroom. It is essential to the success, longevity, and integrity of your work, that you know your purpose so your purpose can drive you when nothing else will. What are you REALLY trying to do? What are you REALLY trying to prove or provide?
Innerview
Think, Write, Discuss, Revisit
“Cause all of us have wings, but some of us don’t know why”
Who and what did/do you need as a young person? Why did/do you have those needs?What is/are your current role(s)? Who depends on you to show up? Who would you be without this/these role(s)?How does what you’re currently doing/ working on contribute to how you want to be remembered?What would you be proud to say and talk about if someone asked you: What do you do?Complete this statement: My name is ______, I dream of ______, I enjoy working on/with _______, and I can help you _______.
