Merry Christmas w/ COVID (year two)
You've got to learn to leave the table
When love's no longer being served
-Nina SImone, You’ve Got to Learn
The People
Until a few years ago, I used to spend Christmas Eve with my maternal extended family and bring home leftovers to share with my dad when he came over on Christmas Day. Although it was nice looking forward to seeing “everyone” for the holidays, it wasn’t so nice knowing I was mostly there because I was expected to be and unlike my aunts who talked outside of the holidays, these events were the main reason my cousins and I talked (I’m an only child). Breaking away from tradition has allowed me to create my own traditions with the people who choose me consistently. I always thought the holidays were the time to spend with the family you barely get to see, and I still do, if distance is what separates you. Now, I believe the holidays are to be spent with those that make time for you throughout the year, no matter the distance that may separate you.
The Joy
Christmas Eve always brings such a cheer, even during a pandemic, although, this isn’t the case for everyone. I too have some reason to not enjoy Christmas, but feelings are a choice and I have so many more reasons to enjoy my favorite holiday than to not. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday because I loved the shopping. I loved budgeting and spending, thinking of others, making a list of for who and what I needed to get gifts for and gathering what I felt they wanted by going to multiple stores and hiding the gifts until I could wrap them on Christmas Eve. Now, I have a couple people I “need” to get gifts for, the gifts are more practical and needed or they’re experiences I wish to share with them. Now, my main Joy is the cooking.
The Gifts
I remember spending a lot of time and effort on a family calendar I made on Shutterfly that had everyone’s birthdays. The collage of the month was a collection of old and new photos of the people to be celebrated that month. I dug through storage, flash drives, and memory cards for photos, organized them by person, and selected them for the final cut. It brought me so much Joy to make this calendar, it didn’t matter that the recipients seemed a bit thankless. That year I realized the importance of not giving a gift for the response and if that’s truly important, to not give that gift unless I can be there to experience the response. I knew I gave a gift no one else could give and one they’d be sorry they lost or damaged; a gift that’s probably kept with care in some closet somewhere, cherished and dusted off when they need to know when someone’s birthday is or to go down memory lane.
The Cooking
Cooking being my favorite part of the holidays is quite new, like this year new. Although I’ve always enjoyed making a meal, I’ve never been one to plan a spread or be asked to bring anything special. This past Thanksgiving, I finally felt the Joy of cooking a holiday meal with someone. Over the past few years, I’ve learned how much cooking is an expression of love and effort and eating is an expression of trust and respect. Cooking for others is a time to share a meal you are proud of, one you may have allowed yourself to experiment with in order to get just right. The conversation that comes with the meal is just as important. I am so grateful to have someone to cook with and cook for. The same planning I used to put into gifts now goes into meals and ingredients and my dad now eats hot and fresh Christmas Eve dinner.
Merry Christmas, Maligayang Pasko
